The Unknown: Fear & Waiting

As January 13, 2022 came, so did a follow-up appointment for my knee. My husband had to drive me as I was unable to walk on my own due to the extreme pain and loss of my range of motion in my left leg/knee. I remember quite clearly sitting in the waiting room, my mind racing, not able to gather myself as the fear, pain and anxiety was consuming. At last, my name was called and as I stumbled down a long hallway in agony, I could feel my heart beating so fast, I felt flush and had this unshakable feeling.

The doctor entered, took one look at my now purple leg and within seconds of being in the room stated, "There is nothing I can do to help you until you are cleared by a Vascular Surgeon", my heart sank. I could not believe there was nothing that they could do. My husband came in, scooped me up and from there went for my first vascular test. After getting cleared of blood clots which was thought to originally have been the reason for my skin discoloration, I was now in a holding pattern. I would have to wait one month to see a Vascular Surgeon and by January 23, 2022 I looked like this...

It was at this point that I was giving up on the Healthcare system. How could I not be an emergency? Why do they think that I can wait? Do they not realize the excruciating pain that I am in? These are the questions that I would ask myself over and over daily.

I was permanently working from home and my normal day to day interactions and events were dwindling down to nothing. I now realized this was beginning to take a toll not just on my physical health but my mental health.

I can remember one particular evening that I was determined to try and make my family dinner, dragging myself over to my stove and sobbing uncontrollably attempting to boil water. It was in that moment that all of the feelings I was trying to suppress came to the surface. I thought, "I am 37 years old, I have no diagnosis yet and I cannot walk... Is this what my life is going to be like? Will I ever get better?"

Little did I know what was yet to come. I would soon realize that those thoughts and feelings would only get worse and were kept from my loved ones.

Thank you everyone! Tune in next week for more!